A Friend To Everyone Is An Enemy To Himself

I just walked out of a 90 minute meeting with my new employer and manager.

It began as a meeting to solidify financial terms when I commence my new position in 12 days time and ended in 90 minutes of deep, real talk.

Something that seems to be becoming a regular occurrence with these boys. It’s refreshing to be as open and honest and raw as these conversations are.

I enjoy it.

Today though in particular was important because I was able to share with my new employer, who had offered me a job back in 2021 when I closed my gym, that part of the reason I declined back then and why I was hesitant in recent times was because of things I had heard about him and what he had done in his past.

The reason I was able to share this with him, was because he raised some things he had heard about me.

Why this is important to me, is that I had realised recently while sitting in the sauna that I had no right to an opinion. I had only ever had pleasant experiences with this guy and knowing I had heard some unkind things about myself over the past few years that aren’t true, I knew that it was wrong for me to hold any form of opinion outwardly towards him.

Now for where this takes an interesting turn.

While having this conversation with these two lads, who I have come to respect and thoroughly enjoy spending time with, I felt engaged in the conversation and connected to the two of them and what we were talking about. I felt heard and understood.

I was asked the question, “do you care when you hear these things about yourself?”

My answer, was a fluffy and indirect no.

When I left, I began to think about those rumours, who might have heard them, who was spreading them and where they originated. It made me feel incredibly uneasy.

Like I have written about many times, I have complete confidence and faith in who I am as a person and know that internally, consciously and for the large majority of the time outwardly I am a good person. In fact I sometimes feel I have an inflated perception of myself and believe that selflessness and altruism are part of my make up and things I value.

But then I have these deep, real and confronting conversations where I talk to others, in this case my colleagues, that have heard some place or another things that don’t paint me in the best light.

My natural instinct is defence. Initially to prove my innocence. Then to flee and ignore.

I have a clear conscience, but I feel anxious wondering how many people have heard, or worse, believe what they hear.

And while I drive and process these thoughts, I think about the response from my employer when I return the question to him in whether he cares when he hears things about himself…

A resounding, “I don’t give a fuck”.

Not because of arrogance. But because he has owned his shortcomings which in his case, a lot of the rumours have been true. He has owned them, changed who he is to become a better man and realised that a friend to everyone is an enemy to himself.

That quote is powerful. I knew I had it somewhere deep in my notes but couldn’t quite recall it. As I scrolled through my anxiety worrying about what people think of me and how misaligned it is with who I know I am, I find it. Written in my notes ready for me to write about it.

A friend to everyone, is an enemy to himself.